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"Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
Find my soul and I'm yours forever."
~ by Anonymous ~
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| Warriors of the night |
| 10.31.05 (6:02 pm) [edit] |
Prologue
We are just like everyone else. We could be your next door neighbor, your friend, your lover, or maybe your favorite teacher from the 10th grade.
Our ancestors came here decades ago just as yours did, in search of new and better ways of life. Once upon a time, we had friends and families. Now, we call each other family.
We are still human... For the most part. Our bodies are human anyway. We still think, and laugh, and hurt, we still feel pain and emotions, in some cases we can even feel love. Admittedly though, it’s much more natural for us to feel hatred.
The old legends and myths about my kind say to defend yourselves against us, you should use weapons such as garlic, holy water, crosses, sunlight, or if you’re feeling particularly lucky, you can try your hand at decapitating us, or putting stakes through our hearts. To be honest, those old wives tales aren’t entirely true. Sure, our eyes have a tendency to be sensitive to the sunlight, and a nice wooden stake through the heart will, in fact kill us, like it would any human being. As for the garlic, holy water, crosses, and other gimmicks, they’re not going to do anymore to harm us than they will to harm you.
Contrary to popular belief, we don’t live forever. It might seem as though we do because some of us have been around since the time of Christ, or so the claims are made. For the most part, we never reach an age old enough to die from ‘old age’. We are hunted like animals, either to be killed immediately or captured for profit once we are found.
It’s undeniable that one would be better off killed immediately, rather than captured. When we are collected and sold, it is always for different reasons, but the end result is always the same... A slow torturous death. Some people are actually trying to do good. While others... Most in fact, are doing it for their own personal gain. Some people want to find out once and for all, if we have souls.
Finally, others collect my kind in order to find a way to harness the effects of the demon, while still being able to retain control of the human-demon subject. Their reasons are to produce an army of warriors and assassins that are almost as invincible as they are lethal.
Thus begins our story...
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Okay, this is just a draft for a prologue obviously, for a story that I'm considering writing. .. I'm just looking for comments on whether anyone finds it interesting enough to want to read more... or not? ... if you took the time to read it... please take a moment to respond. :) Thanks
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| :: And I'm on My Way :: |
| 06.25.05 (10:44 pm) [edit] |
in 4 hours.... I'm leaving to go spend a whole 7 months with my girlfriend in Australia. *takes a deep breath* mmm.. I'm so excited... and nervous. I know things are going to be fine. Mostly I'm worried about how long it might take me to find a job. Hopefully... not too long.
My Girlfriend was going to meet me in Sydney when I arrive, but she had other arrangements made for her, so she isn't able to. *pouts* I'm a little disappointed about that... but... that's alright... I'll get to see her in a few days afterwards. I have to fly from Sydney to Brisbane, where I will then spend a whole 2 days, by myself at her parents house, waiting for them all to get back, from where they are going to be. *sigh* ... at least they are leaving their dog home, to keep me company, They were going to put him in the kennel till they got back. That part cheers me up a little, at least. They have a doberman, and he's the sweetest thing. I'll be glad to see him again.
Anyway... I should head out... and make sure I've got everything together, that I need. bleh. I'm afraid I'm going to forget something important lol... as long as I have my tickets and things.. I suppose all else will be alright.
anyway... Take care everyone.
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| :: One Door Closes, Another Opens :: |
| 06.15.05 (1:51 am) [edit] |
well,...
Here I am. June 15th. I'm getting everything set for my 7 month trip to Australia. I'm so... alot of things. Excited, Anxious, Nervous, Scared, Overjoyed (or .. as soon as I find out that my Visa has been approved, I will be.) ...
I've decided however, that regardless of whether or not my visa is granted... I'm quiting my job. I feel so tide down and cornerd. I feel like my back is against a wall, and there is some big scary monster running full speed ahead, right at me, and I have no where left to turn. It's bad when you start feeling that way about your place of employment. I'd say probably a good 75% of the people in my department go to work each and every day actually HOPING that they will get fired, so they'll have a reason to not go back ever again.
Hopefully I'll hear about my visa today or tomorrow. I've been waiting for nearly 2.. maybe 2.5 weeks now, to hear about it. I was told though, that I probably wouldn't know until about 2 weeks before I was due to arrive in Australia. Well.. yesterday was two weeks to the day, that I'm due to arrive, so... I should know soon.
I'm hoping and praying that it all works out. I think it's something I really need to do for myself. Get away, examine my life... find out what it is that I REALLY want. Find out who I am.
One thing that I can say for sure though, without a doubt, is that I can't wait to see my girlfriend again. It's been just about 7 months since the last time I saw her. She's going to meet me in Sydney for a couple of days when I first arrive, then I'm going back to Brisbane with her. It's going to be so wonderful.
anyway... as for me... I need to head to bed, I have to work tonight. then... I'll have only 4 days left, until I'm done for good. God, that thought is SOOOOO Freeing. You wouldn't even begin to believe how much.
Anyway, I hope everyone is well.
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| :: Onward, from Sydney to Brisbane :: |
| 05.25.05 (1:01 am) [edit] |
*takes in a deep breath, and slowly lets it out*
Okay, so... if all goes well.... in less than 1 month... yes.. less than 31 days from now... I'll be on a plane ride to Sydney Australia, for 2 days... then... from there, I might stay another day or two, depending upon what my girlfriend wants to/can do.... Hopefully she'll be able to meet up with me in Sydney, if not... I'll have to travel to Brisbane on my own. (let me just say... eek, scary... I can barely travel from state to state in my own country, let alone a country that is well... unknown to me, for the most part).. anyway, if she is able to meet me, we'll probably stay there another day or two... then afterwards, travel back to Brisbane... where I will then be staying for the next 7 months. 4 of which... I'll be working... and the last 3... I'll be allowed to do whatever it is, that my heart desires, with not a job in the world. .. It'll almost be like summer vacation again... like when I was a kid, in school. How I miss those days.
I'm really looking forward to going. I hope that everything goes accordingly.
On the other hand, ... I feel like I'm ready to freak out... Mostly for the fact that, I've never really lived on my own before... and while I'm there, although there may be a month possibly 2 that I'll get to be with my girlfriend in the same house... the rest of the time.. I'll be left to my own demise... I'm sure I can handle it... I'll just have to be cautious of what I do... and don't do. .. or .. aware perhaps... maybe both. Responsible is a good word as well. .... I'm afraid, not to have my job here. Even though I hate it (my job).... I have now found, that I've come to rely on it, for security. Having it makes me feel safe... at least somewhat, financially.
I'm pretty sure that going for 7 months is the right thing for me to do. I'll get to spend time with my girlfriend, which I so desperately long to do. I'm hoping that through it all, I'll be able to get myself out of this rut, that I seem to have fallen into. It will give me time, to do something besides Casino work, and I'll be able to evaluate my life, from another perspective for a while. Hopefully, by the end of my time there, my girlfriend and I will have found an answer to our problem of not being able to stay in the same country.
She's getting ready to finish off her Teaching degree, in june/july. She doesn't really want to be a teacher though... Even though I think she'd make a great one. But, tis up to her, it is her life, and I am merely here to support and love her, through whatever she decides she wants to do.
speaking of her... I haven't yet told her that my plane ticket is bought and I am all but on my way there, right now. Unfortunately, because of her Prac, I only get to see/talk to, her once a week. I talked to her about doing this, but... She doesn't know for certain yet, that I have everything pretty much set to go. I'm sure she'll be excited, as I am, once I finally get to tell her. I don't think she'll find out before hand, because I'm fairly certain that she doesn't bother reading this journal anymore. ... I just needed to get it out, so maybe I can sleep tonight.
I'm going to have a horribly long week at work.... but that's alright... after this week is over... I'm giving my notice that I'm quiting. (or.. perhaps I'll tell them, once I found out for sure that everything is all set, with the program that I've applied to.) Either way... I'm telling them that the 19th of June will be my last day of work. I am scheduled to leave on the 26th of June.
Anyway... I guess I better head off, and get myself to bed, I do have to work today
I hope everyone is well.
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| :: Dropping In :: |
| 05.02.05 (2:29 am) [edit] |
mm ... well... where to begin? ... My mum had surgery the other day. She made it through just fine. They let her go home the same night. So that's good.
She called me tonight and told me that around midnight last night, my brother went to the hospital... as of now... she has no idea what's going on. She called the hospital and they won't tell her anything. They said she needs some "access code" ... whatever. Bastards.
Anyway... Work, has been work. It never changes... except to get worse... I think I'm suffering from Job burn out. ... Perhaps it's not the job... so much as it is the people I work for.
And.. Where I live. I'm suffering from, home burn out too... lol.. if there is such an affliction. I don't want to live here anymore...
Perhaps.. it's just life burn out. all the way around.. plain and simple. i'm tired of things being the way they are, and I'm ready for a change... or a few changes. Anyway...
I'm off... gonna go watch a movie tonight with my roommate.
Hope everyone is good. I'm sorry I don't keep up on updating my blog often anymore.
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| :: A Happy Birthday To You :: |
| 04.06.05 (3:39 am) [edit] |
today is my girlfriend's birthday. Forestgreen... I wish I could have been there with her. *smiles* mmm, maybe next year.... hopefully.
Happy Birthday baby! I love you.
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| :: I'm an emotional girl, I can't help myself :: |
| 03.14.05 (4:15 am) [edit] |
*Sigh* ... why do emotions have to be so... roller coaster like? ... You're up... you're down... you're spiraling in a cork screw type path towards the ground..... You're having a great time... then all of a sudden you just want to cry your eyes out. Is it all really necessary? *shrugs* it must be, or else we wouldn't go through it I guess.
Maybe it's just because I have so much on my mind that I'm uncertain about how to handle... and I can't really talk to anyone about any of it. I'm sure I'd end up upsetting at least 1 or 2 people, that I don't want to upset.... and... besides that, some of the decisions I need to make... only I can make. No one else can decide for me. I'm not sure anyone else could even help me figure out what to decide.
Sometimes when I'm talking to my girlfriend, I'll be all happy to be talking to her one second... then... just the smallest thing will change my mood, and I'll want to do nothing but cry. That happend this morning. This morning though, I'm going to blame it on the fact that I'm tired, and have wanted to go to sleep for the past 4.5 hours or so... but my girlfriend only got online about 4 hours ago, 20 minutes before I had decided I was going to go to bed, if she weren't online yet, by the time that particular time arrived. if that sentence even made any sense at all.
ahh well.. whatever... instead of sitting here, and continuing to whine... I think I'm going to go to bed, because I need the sleep. I'm going to go watch a movie today as well.. with my friend Laura. Yay. I get to get out of the house. :)
good day everyone.
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| :: When things were new :: |
| 03.07.05 (5:11 pm) [edit] |
hmm... I can't really say that I've got much to write about. At least nothing new to write about.
I'm planning on moving this summer. Either to the California or Nevada Area. It all just kinda depends on a few different circumstances. I'll be glad to get away from michigan. At the very least, I'll be extatic to get away from this casino and this town. Because at the very least, even if we don't get away from Michigan, I'm going to be moving back downstate, and to a larger city. Yay. And hopefully, by the end of this year, or the begining of next year, my Girlfriend, (ForestGreen), will be here with me, studying whatever her heart desires, for at least a year and a half... if I'm lucky... we can drag it out for 2 or push it to 3 years. lol. However long... hopefully it will be long enough for us to figure out a permanent solution, to us being together.
Anyway... I'm feeling a bit down today, so I'm gonna head off. I hope everyone is well.
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| :: World on Fire :: |
| 02.27.05 (2:55 am) [edit] |
I've been really emotional the past few days. You know, Girl things, and the flu... and insomnia... all mushed into one big messy lump, along with the strains and pains of normal every day life. And I think that I've come to the conclusion that it's time for some emotional spring cleaning.
Lately I've been feeling... A lot of things. most of them... not good probably. Inadequate is one of the first things that leap to mind. It has a big flashing neon sign posted right in the front window of my brain actually. But it's not the only thing I've been feeling. moving right along some others are: Insecure. Uncertain. Afraid. Angry. Apathetic. Trapped.
What is it that is really worth anything? What is there to live for? Why do I feel so stuck?
I think I'm angry at a lot of things. okay... Honesty time. I KNOW I'm angry at a lot of things. I don't know for sure what all of them are, but I know I am. I have been for quite a while. I know because it doesn't take much for me to get upset and stressed out, and it doesn't take much to make me start cussing people out (even if it is only in my head that I let it out most of the time). I am disgusted with 95% of the population of the world, if not more. I'm disgusted with life. It all gets so confusing and so frustrating and, all I can think is "What the hell is the point? why do I bother?? What the hell do I keep trying for?".
I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of the feeling of helplessness. I'm tired of being stuck in my little puddle of dark muddy water. I want my little dirty puddle to be a big clear ocean. I want to sit on the shore of my big clear ocean and think about how great life is, instead of having this looming thought of "When is all this crap finally going to be over?".
My mom used to tell me that I am angry at things. I never used to believe her. For a long time, I never consciously felt angry. I felt empty. Quite often... I still feel empty. I don't know what to do about that. sometimes it just feels like everything is all going to hell, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I can sit back and I can watch it happen. That's what I can do. No amount of talking or verbal reassurance is going to make an ounce of difference.
That's not however, what I am going to do. As futile as it may be, I'm going to keep trying. Because I believe there has to be a way. There has to be something I can do. Maybe giving up is doing something, I dunno. I was told that sometimes doing nothing, IS doing something. In certain cases, I agree. For instance, when my brother went to jail for drunk driving, he wanted $1000.00 from me for bail. What did I do? ... NOTHING. I didn't give it to him. And why not? because doing nothing, and leaving him set there, was to try to teach him a lesson. That his actions have consequences. But... in other situations... I don't agree that doing nothing, is actually doing something.
Over the past few years, the things that I used to enjoy doing have lost just about all interest to me. I still have fleeting moments where I enjoy the things I used to do, but now, it takes so much effort to make myself enjoy it, that it isn't worth it to me anymore.
I think I need to finally get rid of this emotional baggage that I've been lugging around with me for far too long. Maybe then, I'll know how to live my life. Maybe I'll know how to go and do things and enjoy being alone. Maybe I won't always feel that to be happy doing things, I need to share the moments with someone else.
I still see beauty in certain things. Small things touch my heart. When I see an animal or a person, in pain or need, I want to reach out and I want to help. I want to make a difference in someone else's life. Maybe to make up for the not being able to make a difference in my own. I'm not sure. But at any rate, my heart goes out to others.
Maybe I could volunteer my time and efforts in another country helping people that really need it, for a while. Maybe it would give me a different perspective on things. Maybe I would realise that I don't have it as badly as I feel that I do. Maybe I could teach myself a few lessons, while doing something good to help others.
Who knows? ... maybe I'm just rambling out random thoughts. Maybe I'm not. I guess we'll have to see where things lead from here.
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| :: Wow, I'm still here :: |
| 02.25.05 (11:49 pm) [edit] |
Amazing as it is, I'm still here. I guess I don't really have much to write about right now. I've been down with the flu (or something similar) for the past 3-4 days. How great is that. I did finally go to work tonight though. Only to come home early.
Other than that... life has been peachy keen I suppose. Haven't been doing much, other than Playing World of Warcraft.
anyway... :( I'm gonna go.
Hope everyone is fine.
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| :: Rest and Relaxation :: |
| 01.20.05 (10:45 pm) [edit] |
I need some rest and relaxation. I came home early from work yesterday... and I took half of tonight off (but I'll get paid for tonight). I'm only working 4 days a week right now. So I'm really not spending much time at work. Which is going to be really bad when I get my paycheck. But, The past week, I've not been feeling very well. And the past 2 days I've just been exhausted to the max. I don't know why. I just can't get enough sleep. I'm sleeping well enough, but I'm still just so tired when I wake up. It seems like I've only been asleep for a few moments.
I guess there is something going around at work right now. I've been feeling a little Nauseous (sp?) the past week as well. It's not so bad when I'm at home and can sit down and relax. But When I'm at work, and up walking around, it starts feeling worse.
Ahh anyway... I want to write more, but I'm too tired to think of much to say.
I hope everyone is well.
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| :: My Love Is :: |
| 01.18.05 (3:34 am) [edit] |
I swiped this from the blog of Saad:
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| :: Same stuff, another day :: |
| 01.17.05 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
Yesterday, my roommate John, my friend Andrea and I were on our way home from dinner, the next town over, and we passed an accident. We turned around to see if there was anything we could to do help, and to park behind the second car that was in the accident, so we could put our emergency blinkers on, because the car wasn't running at all, and they had no lights, and it was dark outside. If I hadn't been in the other lane, I would have ran right into the back of them, myself. I guess they were following the drivers brother up to the casino, and he didn't even realize that they had been in an accident, and just kept right on going.
As it turned out, everyone was okay, and we ended up giving the two people from the completely smashed up car, a ride to the casino, so they could find their brother.
My good deed for the year is done. And as they say 'no good deed goes unpunished.' so, I patiently await my punishment.
Other than that, I've been feeling like complete crap lately. For a mixture of reason. Reasons that I'm well aware of, but I think are complete crap, some reasons, which I think are some what understandable, and other reasons, I'm sure, that I'm completely unaware of in my conscious mind. It sucks, because I want to talk about stuff that's going on in my head, but at the same time, I don't, because I don't want to put anyone else out, over it.
I guess I'll live, and tomorrow is another day. lucky me.
I hope everyone else is doing well.
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| :: So much, yet so little:: |
| 01.09.05 (10:52 pm) [edit] |
It's getting close to being halfway through the first month of the new year. How joyous. I made a few new year's resolutions. I always do. I'm trying hard to keep them. I usually can. I'm doing fairly well so far, I think. Some of the things I've decided to change, are a bit difficult trying to do though.
Work, is the same as always. I haven't spent nearly as many hours there the past week as I should have though. I'm not going to be happy about it when I see my paycheck, but... The time away is doing me a little good. Maybe I should make finding a different job, one of my new year's resolutions. ... perhaps I can start my own tradition of making my resolutions mid-way through January, instead of the first day.
Christmas was cool. I got a few cool gifts. I got the first 2 harry potter movies from my girlfriend. Yay! :D I like those movies. (I believe I mentioned my other gifts in my previous post... don't remember for sure)
We have a rat in the house. It's behind the couch right now. My friend Laura said I could borrow her cat Pepe. I think I might. My roommate has tried to hunt it down, to kill it... but it keeps being lucky enough to be in spots my roommate can't quit reach. I'd rather a cat do the job anyway. For some reason, it likes to come in here and stay behind the couch for the duration of the time that I am in the living room, on the computer. Then, when my roommate comes home, and goes to sleep... it likes to try to get into his room. I think a cat is a good idea.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go watch "Darkness" with Michelle and Laura. Perhaps I'll speak to her again, about borrowing her cat, then. Trying to plan the demise of the creature, almost makes me feel guilty.
Ahh well, to all things, must come an end, at some point in time...
Speaking of... I think this is the end of my blog. For now. Must be going.
Take care everyone. *waves*
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| :: We'll face unafraid, the plans that we've made :: |
| 12.23.04 (9:42 pm) [edit] |
okay, so here I am again. I want to wish everyone a very merry christmas. I hope that this holiday finds everyone healthy and in good cheer.
I'm doing surprisingly well... for now at least. I don't have to go to work on christmas eve. So, anytime I don't have to work... that's good. My girlfriend however... won't be around until probably the day after christmas. Bummer. I really wish that we could spend the holiday together. It sucks that we can't. Maybe next year... I'm seriously hoping so, one way or another.
Anyway... I've gotten my gifts already... already opened most of them.
From my friend Andrea I got the Disney movie "Mulan"
From Laura, I go the Disney movie "Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement"
From my friends Lisa and Michelle, I got a blanket that has Eeyore on it, and is made out of fleece sort of material that is the colour of Eeyore.
From my dad I got about.... 30-35 dollars.
I'm not sure yet What I got from my girlfriend, We are going to open our presents online together, once she gets home, and once her present makes it to her. I'm not sure if it's arrived there safetly yet or not.
I guess I'm doing better at work. I finally got around to talking to my manager that wrote me up about a month and a half or two ago. He said that I am doing much better.
Anyway... thats about all I can think of to update on. I hope everyone is well. :)
Merry Christmas
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| :: How Long Has It Been? :: |
| 12.10.04 (1:47 am) [edit] |
I haven't written for a while. I haven't really felt like it. I guess there are a few reasons why not. *shrugs* Just seems like most of the people whose blogs I like to read, keep leaving, ... and... then I don't really have motivation to come here.
I don't know... Even right now... I don't really have much to do for an update. Maybe it's because I'm so tired. I guess it doesn't really matter. I don't even know if anyone ever looks at my blog anymore. I don't know if my old blog friends read it, or if my girlfriend still stops by tblog to check things out or not anymore. I'd like to write more...
I guess I could write just for the sake of writing, whether anyone else ever takes the time to stop by anymore or not. ...
hmmm... now that's a thought, to think about. ... Doing something, just for the sake of doing it, and no other reason. lol. :)
ahh well.
TTFN
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| :: New Toys Make Me Go.... MmmMmm :: |
| 11.16.04 (6:52 pm) [edit] |
hehe...
Yesterday I bought Queen Latifah's New CD... The Dana Owen's Album. Different music than she normally does, but... I like it lots.
Today... Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 7 came out on DVD.. WeeeeeEeeeee I'm so excited. I had NOOOO idea that it was coming out this month. Previously, I've know 6 months before it's release date when it was set to come out. I've been checking regularly to try to find out when it was due to come out but always came up with nothing. ... Now at least.. I no longer have to look for it. Yay :)
I do feel a certain sense of sadness over it though... because now... I have nothing More to collect from the DVD series. *sigh* It's really over. ... *Shakes myself* It's time to move on. Time to let go. .... I know.. I'll move on to Collecting the Rest of the Xena: Warrior Princess seasons on DVD... and in February, Charmed season 1 comes out.. YAY!! I'm excited about that one.
Anyway... I also got some coloured pastel chalks to use, and some black ones as well. mmm sounds fun. I've even finally cleared off my drawing table so I can use that to sit at and do my art stuff. I started a practice watercolour picture last night, that doesn't look too bad so far. It's far better than the attempt of the beach scene I tried about a month ago. .. But... Practice ... that's all it takes. Someday.. maybe I'll actually be good at it. lol
hmm... Time to finish cleaning up the computer desk... and then maybe moving on to the rest of the living room.. then the dining room, cause this clutter is driving me nuts. Clutter is not good for the imagination. I'm going to find a spot for everything, it's going to have it's very own little living space, and that is where it shall stay forever more... until I decide to move it again. *nods*
Anyway... I'm off... enjoy.
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| :: How do I rate :: |
| 11.13.04 (11:12 am) [edit] |
I took this from TigerLilly
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| :: Cursing the Theives :: |
| 11.11.04 (11:17 am) [edit] |
Last night at work, Someone stole one of my jackets from the wardrobe changing room. (Great welcome back after my 2 weeks off, it was my first night back to work.) We aren't allowed to leave our belongings in our office, so we have to leave them in a room, where other people have free range to steal whatever the get the inkling to steal.
I told my friend that I hope whoever took my jacket, enjoys it. And I hope that for the rest of their lives They continually lose every single thing they've ever bought and paid for and held dear. or.. even if they didn't buy it themselves... I hope they lose it all, over and over again. And I hope they are young enough to have to deal with it for at least the next 80 years.
If it was taken on accident, I could understand that, and possibly even forgive it. But whoever took my jacket I can say almost 100% guarenteed, they took it on purpose. My evidence to support that theory is the fact that I wore 2 jackets in. One normal one with a fleece inside, and one inside that one, that was just a hooded zipper sweatshirt type jacket. Whoever took my jacket, left the black jacket on the outside, and took the hooded sweatshirt out from under the black one. If someone picks up a jacket, and takes another one out from inside of it, then you can almost safely assume it was taken on person. Therefore, I curse whoever took it.
If I see it at work, I'm going to take it back. It's mine. I bought it. I worked for the money I paid for it. And I bought it when I was in Australia the first time. So it doesn't look really like anything you'd find here. And if I see someone around town wearing it, I'll know who took it.
**Note** if you're going to take something from someone, make sure it isn't something that is fairly unique to the area.
At least they didn't take my black one, which would have made me even more upset, and the wishes I made toward them would be even more severe.
Anyway, I'm off to get ready for work.
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| :: Another Day Gone By :: |
| 11.10.04 (11:07 am) [edit] |
So I went to bed at 6:00 AM. I got up at 3:20 PM. I'm getting ready to eat something, then take a shower to get ready for work.
I didn't want to get up today. I'm finding it very difficult to wake up everyday and have to face the morning, the day... without my girlfriend beside me. It's not quite as hard to fall asleep at night, maybe because When I go to sleep, I get to stop feeling this way inside, at least until I wake up. The only thing I don't like about the going to sleep, is the having to wake up part. It helps a bit to be able to talk to my girlfriend online. Somehow, for the time that we are talking, I don't feel quite so far away from her.
Hopefully we'll be able to find out some information soon. I'm ready for a change, one way or another. As long as that change consists of me going to be with her, or her coming to be with me, permanently.
Anyway, I'm off to eat my food and have a shower. Hope everyone is doing well.
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| :: Things just get better and better :: |
| 11.09.04 (8:05 pm) [edit] |
Okay, so I slept well last night. Other than the couple strange dreams that I had. I don't remember at the moment what they were about, but I do remember waking up thinking WTF?
anyway... I got up, and I watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was one that I've already seen. Tomorrow should be one I haven't seen yet. Yay!
Now, moving right along. I checked the mailbox... and we have a free sample of a diaper in my mailbox. *raises my eyebrow* I don't need a diaper. I don't have a baby, and I don't intend to have a baby anytime soon. We get at least one diaper a week in the mail. (I'm not joking.)
While, it's evident that the mailman actually stopped by today, they neglected to take my bills away with them, when they stopped. Soooo, I had to go out to the post office to mail them off myself.
While I was out, I decided to stop by a Scrapbook store downtown, to pick up some stuff for a scrapbook I'm going to work on with my girlfriend, next time we are together, so we can have a memory book to hold our memories of our visits together, until we can be together permenantly.
I also stopped and filled my vehicle up with gas. Then I stopped by Subway and got a Turkey and Ham sub, with Mayo, Black Olives, Banana peppers, Lettuce, and tomatoes on it. Then I came home, and ate dinner.
I talked to my mum for a little bit on the phone. My friend Andrea called and wanted John and I to go to dinner and a movie with her boyfriend and her. Me, being me, Decided to stay home because I had just spent the last of my money on a sub, so I didn't need to eat. And they were going to watch the incredibles, which I already watched with my girlfriend when she was here. (It was a cute movie.)
So, I needed to do Laundry. Of course I do, I've mentioned it a couple times since I got back. However, John pointed out to me before he left, that our water seems to have gone all crazy on us. It's this horrible yellow/brown colour. Rusty water. *makes a face* Great. Now what? ... Guess we wait till tomorrow and call the rental company yet AGAIN, about another problem. I did end up washing some of my clothes. My under clothes, in hot water, because it seems less affected by the rusty colour than the cold water does.
I tried running the water for like.. an hour probably to see if it would run it out, but... No luck. I seems to have faded in colour somewhat... but.. it's definately not back to normal.
Ahh well. Whatever. Things will be fine, sooner or later.
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| :: Great fun is to be had here :: |
| 11.08.04 (8:43 pm) [edit] |
I didn't really get too much accomplished today.
* I took a shower.
* I got food.
* I made it to the post office to mail out some things my mother
gave to my girlfriend while she was here, that my girlfriend
didn't want to put in her luggage because she didn't want it to
get broken.
* I managed to change my windshield wipers on my vehicle all by
myself. Yay! Go me!
* I got my bills filled out and ready to mail tomorrow.
* I emailed a place asking for advice on ways to get my girlfriend
and I together permenantly, either in Australia or the United States.
I think thats about it really. I'm going to be going to bed in a couple of hours,
but I intend to get up a bit earlier tomorrow so I have a chance to at least get
my laundry done before I go to work on Wednesday. I need some clean socks. I used
most of my black ones over the past 2 weeks and only have white ones left to wear.
We aren't allowed to wear white socks at work, and will get written up if we are
caught wearing them. (I mean really. Give me a break... why the hell does it really
matter if our socks are white??)
Anyway... I'm off to do some more interesting stuff... or maybe not so interesting...
maybe I'll just watch my roommate play this Halo 2 game he just got home from buying.
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| :: The Morning After :: |
| 11.08.04 (10:25 am) [edit] |
It's been a little over 24 hours now since I said goodbye to my girlfriend at the airport. I wasn't looking forward to laying down to go to sleep last night, in a bed by myself. After I entered my room, before I climbed into bed, ... my heart Just sank. I had been avoiding my room all day, because I didn't want to think about when I had to go to sleep alone.
I woke up twice, once just to use the restroom, and then once, when I finally got up for the day. Both times that I woke up... my heart ached because I wanted to roll over and put my arms around my girlfriend and kiss her forehead. I wanted to tell her "I'll be right back" before leaving the room. But she wasn't there.
Waking up alone completely Sucks.
I've decided, I'm going to allow myself to feel whatever it is that I need to feel. I'll feel sad, and I'll feel like the house is all empty, and I'll feel whatever else that comes along. But, I refuse to let me feel sorry for myself. Instead of sitting around wishing there were something I could do, I'm going to throw myself into doing whatever I can to find answers and advice about what my girlfriend and I can do to help get us together permenantly, so we don't have to keep going through this process of visitng and saying good-bye, any longer than absolutely necessary.
Anyway, time to go keep myself busy with dishesh and laundry and stuff.
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| :: Things to do, and No will to do them :: |
| 11.07.04 (8:30 pm) [edit] |
*sigh*
I got home today after dropping my girlfriend off at the airport, and had a look around the house. I walked to my bedroom and turned on my light and glanced around my room. It all feels so different now. So empty without her here. I've grown accustomed to having her by myself this past couple of weeks, it just feels natural that she was here. It seems that she should still be here. I wish she were.
With every last fibre of my being, I wanted nothing more than to beg her to come back home with me this morning, not to get on that plane. But, the sensible and logical part of my brain knew, and still knows, that doing so would have gotten us no where. At least, no where useful. I guess we kind of have to be apart to get anything done. We are going to try to find out what we have to do to get me to Australia to be with her. I know she loves it there, and I don't blame her. I love it there as well, and I don't want her to have to leave there because of me. But, if we can't find any suitable way for me to get there... then we are going to see how we could go about getting her here to be with me.
Either way, I'm willing to do it. No matter what I have to do, no matter how long it takes, I'm ready. Bring it on.
I miss her. I wish she were here. I wish I could have gone with her when she left. I guess mostly I just wish we didn't have to be apart.
I know that we'll see each other again soon. Not soon enough mind you... because for 2 weeks of time off, I'll have to work for at least another 6 months... we want to spend longer than 2 weeks together next time, so It may end up being more than 6 months I have to wait to see her again. It depends on what we find out for one or the other of us moving from here to there.... or there to here... if that was to happen before our next visit, I'd welcome it with open arms.
Anyway... I'm getting desperately tired, I think I'm going to start getting ready for bed now.
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| :: Fun Time's Over :: |
| 11.07.04 (6:31 pm) [edit] |
The past 2 weeks, I've spent everyday with my Girlfriend. The first day, when she got here, I was a little irritable, not with her, but just everyone in general. The second day, I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't too much fun, by that night though I was feeling much better.
The entire second week that she was here, she had a cold, so that wasn't good. But, regardless of all the feeling icky and the irritableness, Everything went well. I enjoyed every moment that I spent with her. Even though a few times I felt like asking her if I was giving her enough space/privacy. Not that she made me feel like I was being too clingy or anything, mostly it's just that I didn't want to be.
So, to let everyone in on what we did, if I can remember everything in proper order lol here we go...
Sunday, October 24th: Drove 4 hours with 2 of my friends, to the airport to pick my girlfriend up in Detroit, arrived early and waited for 2 hours for her plane to land.
Drove/rode for another 5 hours or so, after crossing the border into Canada, to arrive in Toronto.
Checked into the hotel, then wandered off on foot to find food. Ate at a restaurant called "The Browning" I believe it was. It was pretty good.
Went back to the hotel and went to bed, as it was somewhere in the area of 10 PM.
Monday, October 25th: Went to the Hard Rock Cafe for breakfast (which ended up being lunch by the time we left the hotel). Went to the CN tower and wandered around there for a few hours. Made reservations to have dinner at the 360 restaurant the following night. Wandered around downstairs in the CN tower for a while, through the movie props displays they had set up, to name a few, they had things from the movie "The Cat in the Hat" ... "Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban".... Spiderman 2 ... "Van Helsing" ... "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" ... "The Haunted Mansion" ... and a few other displays. It was fun.
After the CN tower we made our way to the Royal Ontario Museum for a few hours, until it closed. We didn't make it entirely through it though. What we did see, was fun.
After that we had dinner Then went back to the hotel room and went to sleep.
Tuesday, October 26th: We decided to go to Casa Loma, which was only supposed to take around 45 minutes, we stretched it out for about 2 1/2 hours. The general consensus was this: If we saw another flight of stairs we were going to turn around and walk away. After Casa Loma we made our way to the Ontario Science Centre for about 2 hours. We didn't even make it past the first level. Afterwards... we went and ate, then went back to the hotel and went to bed for the night.
Wednesday, October 27th: Got up earlier and checked out of the hotel, decided to go to Niagara falls, to see the falls. We did a behind the falls tour and got to walk through a tunnel that lead to a couple little portals behind the water fall, and one that lead to a viewing deck area. Going through the portals behind the falls was ... rather unimpressive... at least to me. All you could see is a wall of water, and that was it. It was much better from the viewing deck where you could see the falls coming down. I thought that was quite impressive. All that water. It was good.
After we left Niagara Falls, we got a little bit lost, and I was getting irritable and frustrated, so my friend Andrea offered to Drive, and ended up driving all the way back home. She really is a great friend. She even filled my truck up with fuel once without me asking her to. I thought that was sweet. She drove probably a total of 7 hours that day. We got home about 1 AM on Thursday morning. I learned that Canadians drive worse than people from Michigan. I thought we were insane drivers, but I was wrong. They scare me lol.
Thursday, October 28th: I believe we slept most of this day due to being so damned tired from the few days before it. I took my girlfriend on a brief tour of the town I live in, and showed her all of the places I have lived in the past 5 years, and took her to the beach at a couple different spots. Then we went back home and hung out there watching television for the rest of the evening, then went back to sleep.
Friday, October 29th: We went and watched "The Grudge" with my friend Laura from work, Michelle, and my roommate John.
After the movie my girlfriend and I left everyone else, and came home to pack our suitcases, and headed down to Whitehall, where we stayed for the next few nights. After we checked in at the hotel, we went back through town and had pizza hut for dinner, then we went back to the hotel and went to sleep.
Saturday, October 30th: We spent most of the day sleeping, but got up in time to make it to the Creature Feature dinner show at the Double JJ Ranch & Resort, where I had made reservations previously for dinner. They had a little play going on while we ate, that included Dracula, Frankenstein, Igor, and a few others, who were all singing songs dancing while they were putting on their little skit.
After dinner we bought our tickets for the "Haunted" attractions they had going on. First we went on the Haunted Hay Ride, which... didn't involve any hay, so I was a little put off by that. We waited for about 20 minutes or so in a little dark room, before we were finally seated on these bleacher things, that were mounted on a trailer, being pulled by a tractor. It was fun, for what it was, but.. I wanted Hay. *pouts* Our ride got pulled over somewhere near the middle of it, due to a staff member at the Resort, passing out or something like that. So we were sitting there in the middle of our "scary" ride with nothing to do except wait, and that kinda took the thrill out of the whole experience.
After the Haunted Hay Ride, we went to the "Phobia's 3D" room, which was really good. We had to wear 3d glasses and they had these fluorecent paintings and lights and things that made it look like the things were hanging in mid-air, and sticking out at you. it was really well done. Near the end of it, someone grabbed my leg and made me scream like the little girly girl I pretend not to be. But, I am not the only one who screamed, A clown ran out at my girlfriend and made her scream, so I didn't feel so badly lol.
After the Phobia's 3D room, we went to this room called "The Panic" room. It wasn't exactly scary, but it wasn't exactly not scary. lol What happens is you go into this room, that is pretty much pitch black, and you listen to this story, and then you witness someone's "execution" by electric chair... then afterwards something happens and they end up not being 'dead' ... and they come crashing through the bars, and off the little stage that they are on with a chainsaw, running towards you, making you scream or whatever it is you do. When my girlfriend and I went in there, it was only the 2 of us and 1 other guy. so it was fun. I didn't scream but I did hide my face in my girlfriends shoulder.
After we made it through the Panic Room, we went through "The Haunted Barn" was was kinda fun, but not overly scary. I'd say a good half of the entire event, the only thing that made it even remotely scary is that you were walking around in complete darkness. There was this one room we wandered into that was pitch black, and it had burlap sacks or something of that sort hanging from the ceiling with stuff in them to give them some weight, and you had to try to make your way through them. I know my girlfriend and I walked in circles for a good 5 - 10 minutes before we found our way out of that room. At one point, we could hear other people in the room, and I had been reaching out with my hands trying to find the wall or something to indicate which way we needed to go, and I ran across something that felt alive, so I was tapping it with my hand and called out "Is this a person?" and someone else answered "Yes, it is." and we all started laughing. Shortly after that after tapping around on a few more sacks from the ceiling, my hand made contact with something else that didn't feel like one of the bags, but didn't feel like a person either, so I started to say "Is this a Person?" again, but only managed to get out "Is this a..." then the person that was in the demon costume turned on a flashlight and screamed, making me jump for like a mile. I had grabbed ahold of the mask that they were wearing lol.
Finally we made it through the rest of the Haunted barn, and had an hour to wait, so we went to the "general store" (The ranch was made out to look like a little western town with a town hall, general store, saloon, dance hall, and a few other buildings.) To wait, and we had some ice cream and played a game of checkers, then walked around the little gift shop part of the store. After we were through waiting for our hour, we went back over to the place where we had dinner, and got ready to watch "The Rocky Horror Show Live". We sat right up front. It was great. We had a wonderful time. The show was done very well. The cast was great fun. I got hit in the head with a hot dog. That was kind of annoying lol. After the show we went back to the hotel room and went to bed.
Sunday, October 31st: We got up at 10:00 AM, because check out was at 11:00 AM. We checked out and decided to go back to the Double JJ Ranch to do some of the stuff we didn't do the previous day. We missed breakfast at the hotel, so we were going to have breakfast at the Ranch, but by the time we got there, it was 11:30 or so, and that was when breakfast was meant to be over, so we decided to sit and wait for
lunch, which was supposed to start at noon. So around noon we went and tried the doors of the restaurant, and they were locked. By 12:30 or so, I had gotten tired of waiting, and suggested we go into town for something to eat instead. So we went and ate at a little restaurant in town. I got stuck having breakfast because for some reason, they weren't serving anything except breakfast, because it was sunday.
After we had breakfast we went back to the ranch and got our little stickers that said we paid for the "Fall Festival" or something like that. so by that time it was after 1:30 PM, So we had missed the first thing we wanted to do, which was the Hay Ride out to the Corn Maze. So we decided to go to the "Town Square" and watch the little "Western Stunt Show" they put on. So we were sitting there waiting and waiting, and finally once it got close to 2:00 PM, we decided to go ask if they were having the stunt show. We were starting to think that they were just not going to do anything. I told my Girlfriend at one point "I didn't pay $16 dollars just to get 2 stickers to wear around this place, I wanna do something." lol... Someone else who had been waiting for the stunt show as well, asked us if we were waiting for it as well, and we confirmed that we were. So we had a little conversation exchanging complaints back and forth for a few moments, then my girlfriend and I went and asked about the show, anyway... come to find out, the clocks had changed the night before, so we were actually an hour early ALL morning. So when we first got to the ranch we could have had breakfast, and when my watch said it was time for lunch... it actually was too early.
So once we discovered that we were early, and that it wasn't that everyone there was being lazy, we felt much better about the situation, and decided to catch the Hay ride to the corn maze, because we hadn't missed it after all. We waited around for about half an hour for the ride to the maze, so we stood outside a fence and made friends with a couple of Bulls.
The corn maze was COMPLETELY unimpressive, as most of it had been mowed down. It was a bit disappointing actually. I was expecting to get lost in the corn. But no, not a chance. There were a few spots where it almost covered you, but not quite. Most of the way through it, the corn was no higher than about mid-calf. I am not kidding. What the hell kind of maze is that? It was meant to take up to as much as an hour to find your way through. I'm sure that was when the corn was still completely intact. We made our way around it in about 10 minutes, and was back to the Town Square in time for the first Western Stunt Show. After that we decided to leave and head back home.
On the way home we stopped at a winery. The wine wasn't Too bad, but... I've tasted better things. Although, I do have to admit, I'm not much of a fan of wine in the first place.
That night after we got home, we ordered Pizza, and watched 2 or 3 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then went to bed.
Monday, November 1st: Got up sort of early, and prepared the house for a pot luck dinner, which a few of my friends from work attended. 6 of my friends showed up, and after dinner my girlfriend, myself, and 4 of my other friends left to go to a halloween party that another one of my friends from work was throwing. I had a lot of fun at the party. I ended up getting a little drunk. Not the worst I've ever been that's for sure. I managed (not on purpose mind you) to get my girlfriend drunk, for the first time in her life. I felt so bad. I wasn't intending to get her drunk, but I was drinking shots and I kept wanting her to try them because they tasted good lol. Before I knew it, we were both drunk. After the party, we came home and went straight to sleep.
Tuesday, November 2nd: My girlfriend had a hang over, so I let her sleep all day while I went out and Voted in the presidential election, for the first time in my life, and paid my bills. I stopped and bought a rose for my girlfriend, because I felt badly that she wasn't feeling well. Unfortunately, my voting made no difference. The bastard that I didn't want to win... won. Ahhh well, that's perfectly fine. If all goes well with our research efforts, I'll be with my girlfriend in Australia long before this presidential term is complete.
After voting and paying bills, I came home and made some Chicken noodle soup for my girlfriend. Afterwards she was feeling a bit better, so my girlfriend, myself, John, and Michelle, all met my friend Al for a movie, and we watched the movie "Saw". It was a rather twisted movie, even if I do say so myself. It was a lot better than The Grudge, in my opinion. After the movie we went and played a couple games of pool, then the place closed, so we all came home, and went to bed for the night.
Wednesday, November 3rd: We took a trip up north, 2 hour car ride, to see my mum, brother, and dad for dinner at my mum's apartment. On the way through, I stopped by one of my best friends' place from school. She wasn't home, so I was going to leave a note, and as I was digging around for a piece of paper to write on, she pulled in. So, I invited her along to my mothers house as well, and we all had a decent time. While we were at my mums, my mum's sister showed up, she only stayed for a few minutes but that was fine with me. Afterwards, My girlfriend, my friend, and I all left as well. I dropped my friend off at her place, and my girlfriend and I continued on to Traverse City, to meet my roommate John for dinner there. Since we had already ate, we weren't overly hungry, so we just ordered a sampler platter instead of a meal. The sampler platter filled us up nicely, and we couldn't finish it all, so we gave it to John, and he brought it home.
After we left the restaurant, my girlfriend and I went to "Streeter's" where we played 2 or 3 arcade games, then played Pool for about an hour. Then we left. After that we decided to find a little Gay bar there called "Side Traxx" and it was a little more smokey than we wanted to deal with, so we left and stopped down at the lake, and walked around there for a few minutes, till we decided that it was too cold and windy to be out, so we decided to come back home. We finally got in about midnight... 1:00 AM.... something like that, so we decided to go to bed.
Thursday, November 4th: We met my friend Tanya from work, for lunch a little after 1:00 PM. After lunch we wandered around down town for a while, through the little shoppes, until we looked through all the interesting ones, and decided it was too cold and way too windy to continue being outside, so we left and went to K-mart, where we spent an hour, maybe a little longer, looking around the store for different things. I ran into 2 different friends of mine from work, so we talked to them for a few moments, then headed off, we found this little Cuddle Care Bear set that consists of Tenderheart Bear, and Love-A-Lot bear that we bought. They were sewn together so my girlfriend unstitched them from one another and gave me one, and she kept one, so we both have one, and once we are together for good, they will be back together as well. Awwwww :D
After we left K-mart, we came home and changed clothes then I took her up to the casino to the Fine Dining restaurant to have dinner. The bread we had and the crab stuffed mushrooms were really good. I had sword fish, and it wasn't too bad. My girlfriend had New Zealand Rack of Lamb.. or something like that. She didn't enjoy it all that much due to it being too tough, I tasted it, and I personally thought it tasted too sweet. I don't like sweet meat. Meat should taste like meat, not fruit. lol.
After dinner, we got back home around 11:00 PM so we decided to go to bed for the night.
Friday, November 5th: Stayed in most of the day, being consoled by my girlfriend because I was upset that our time together was almost over. Afterwards I made something for us to eat, then we went to watch "The Incredibles" just her and myself. After the movie we took a walk down at the river walk, then drove down to the beach where it was dark, and we could see all the stars in the sky. Afterwards, we came home and watched "Van Helsing" and had Vanilla Ice Cream with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Yummy. Afterwards we went to sleep.
Saturday, November 6th: Got up fairly early, and got our stuff together, consoled one another for most of the morning because we were both upset. I made more chicken soup for my girlfriend while she was in the shower, because she was still sick. She had a cold from Monday all the way through the rest of our time together.
After we had ate, we got our things in the care, headed downtown so she could take a few pictures of my town, then we went and picked up Michelle and headed down to Detroit. Michelle wasn't happy that we left so late, it was close to 5:00 PM. She had wanted to be in Detroit so we'd have enough time to do something besides go right to sleep. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything except spend our last few hours together alone with my girlfriend. We made it to the hotel finally around 9:30 - 10:00 (ish) PM. My girlfriend and I decided to try to get some sleep, and Michelle decided to wander around the hotel. She had her own room. Needless really to say, we didn't get much sleep. Neither of us fell asleep until after 1:00 AM, due to being upset and not wanting to say good bye in the morning. Finally we fell asleep.
Sunday, November 7th: Woke up early, and took my girlfriend to the airport, sat there with her for about an hour, then watched as she went through Security. We had a funny thing happen while we were sitting there waiting for her plane to start boarding. There was a couple sitting on the seats near where we were sitting. And at one point this lady walked by and was pretty much staring at my girlfriend and I holding hands and trying to put up as much of a happy face as we could muster, anyway, the woman said something like "Did you see that lady? She was all up in their business like it was any concern of hers." Then she proceeded to stand up and immitate the woman that had walked by. Then her boyfriend or whatever he was said "No, no... this is what she did." and he gave his on impression of what the woman had done. At any rate, my girlfriend and I just sat there and laughed for a few moments about it. It was a little amusing.
After my girlfriend went to go through Security, I watched until I couldn't take it anymore, then I headed out to my vehicle, where... along the way, I seriously almost thought I was going to hyperventilate. Finally I got calmed down enough to drive back to the hotel and get Michelle, and my things from my room, where I also found a note that my girlfriend had left for me. She's the sweetest person in the entire world. I cried some more... then I got Michelle from her room, and we checked out of the hotel, and drove back home. Michelle wasn't too happy with not being able to go wandering around in Detroit while we were there, but... I was too tired, from not really getting any sleep, and I was just not in the mood to do anything because I was (and still am) missing my girlfriend to a horrible degree. And that pretty much wraps up my entire 2 weeks with my girlfriend.
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Video code provided by MusicVideoCodes.com
My Time:
Song:
Close Your Eyes - Queen Latifah
Lyrics
Just a small pic of me :)
| . : About Me : . |
| Age: 25 |
| Gender: Female |
| Height: 5'3" |
| Hair: DK. Red |
| Eyes: Hazel |
| Country: USA |
| Relationship: I have a wonderful Girlfriend |
| . : TV Shows : . |
| Buffy |
| Alias |
| Xena |
| Tru Calling |
| Charmed |
| Will and Grace |
| Whoopi |
| . : Music : . |
| Tori Amos |
| Evanescence |
| Michelle Branch |
| Alanis Morissette |
| Linkin Park |
| Rob Zombie |
| Uncle Kracker |
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
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Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
Get A Sticker Too
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